« on: July 07, 2008, 06:46:33 AM »
Overall I prefer the second, I'll comment on some of your points though:Quote2) talking about enemies dropping from "prize packs" before i even explained the structure of a prize pack seemed kinda backward. prize packs are a key concept, yet their explanation was delayed til the 3rd paragraph.
3) explaining the whole structure of prize packs before even mentioning that enemies have prize packs seems kind of dry and inaccessible. yes, i realize this is an exact inversion of my #2 reason above. :P
Figured I might as well cover both of these as one. I like the prize pack explanation at the top, but it might be a good idea to move the part about enemies having prize packs up farther in the paragraph, like so:
There are seven prize packs in this game (listed below). An enemy who has one of the prize packs assigned to it will, upon defeat, drop an item from the pack, or randomly leave behind nothing. An enemy who has no prize pack will always drop nothing. Each prize pack has eight prize slots, its own counter (that determines which slot the current prize comes from), and a probability that you'll get any prize at all. After any enemy drops a prize from a given pack, that pack's counter is incremented to point to its next slot (if it passes the eighth slot, it moves back to the first one).
This keeps the prize pack explanation near the top but mentions that enemies have them first.
thanks for the reply. this is an appealing middle ground between my versions. one problem: it "traps" those two sentences in the middle of the 1st paragraph, making it even harder for the 2nd paragraph to reference them without getting all wordy.
in the existing guide, due to how it's arranged, i could just open the 2nd paragraph with "There are several exceptions to this system." but i can't be that general and use "this system" in the revision because it'll suggest (imho) that the exceptions ignore or override the whole prize pack system, even though some of the exceptions listed still use prize packs. gar.